I’m sure not as drastic as it seems but I did stick by my word when I told my mother-in-law no this weekend. This weekend was one that a lot of parents will know of and maybe even fear. Standing up to the In-Laws and not bending to them. Is never really mentioned in parent help books but definitely needs to be in the very first chapters.
The weekend started off as a gathering for her father’s birthday so there were a lot of family members. Which already is a stressful event in it self. So I played nice all day long thinking everything was fine and dandy until later when I found out two days later what I was doing was wrong. Like always I kept myself busy by doing the normal things to pass time there which is playing with the kids and helping anyone who needs it.
If you read my earlier post Stop giving my kids Candy! he was given 3 sodas by his grandparents, the last time he had one was when they were visiting us about a month and a half ago.
The first day is always the easiest to survive. The day started off regular with no bumps. But just like every parent has seen before this undisciplined mental patient replaced my son when he with his grandparents in the morning. Acting out, running around, screaming about getting ice cream and not listening were just a few things we saw coming from him. So we did what any good parent would do in the presence of grandparents, we waited till we got him apart from them and talked with him to let him know how he was acting. Our opportunity came in the car on our next stop to get food as a family. We talked about how he was acting and how it’s disrespectful to everyone when he acts out like that to them. (This is what his Kindergarten teacher told us is a behavior that kids whom just started school have a problem with doing.)
His mother and I agreed that he would sit next to her and her sister that he likes, he chose her over me. This is something all 3 of us agreed upon. Since while in the car he had a fit, we decided this would help him control his unruly ways. This is where the S.H.T.F. Just a quick set up of the environment: Pizza Ranch, 7 of her family members were at one table I was at another with my little boy.
My girlfriend stepped aside and went to the restroom so that no one would see how angry she was, not including seeing her cry. It all happened at once so bear with me. He asked grandma to sit next to him. Which lead into me saying no and him getting mad and running to tell grandma. Grandma didn’t ask us about it she just sat him down next to her. So I picked him up and made him sit next to me. This was not happening to him so he kept getting up so I put him in my lap. The tears started flowing and during this whole 8 minute ordeal he’s shoving me and kicking me to let him go. He NEVER acts this bad. I’m trying to explain what the deal is with her mother who is now almost standing over me at our table. Saying things along the lines of “this is a dumb rule, how come he can’t sit next to me, I never get to spend time with him..) and so on. He decides to mirror everything she is saying while still kicking me. It was really hard to stay cool under this bombardment of pressure from everyone, but I .
My lady and I huffed it outside and talked about it and she was able to calm down enough to roughly talk about it to her mother. She kinda explained that it’s not the point that he had to it’s the point that we are his parents and we said “no”, and she(grandma) didn’t respect us enough to understand our point.
One of her sisters gets offended and makes a scene about her not being able to stand there while someone disrespected her mother like I am, by saying that “he only acts out when he’s with them”.
Worse part is we had to stay at her parents house for the night. Most of her family isn’t happy with me at the moment. We are still questioned about his nutrition and choice not to feed him milk, or GMO foods.
What we learned as parents
It is very scary standing up to a whole family about the choices you make pertaining your own family. But with your partner you are a much stronger team, so trust that you both have made the best decisions for your children and yourselves. (I wish she would have learned that really quickly because being terrified of most of her family right next to me all judging me and getting madder at me. If I wasn’t doing it for my kids I would have backed down and given into their arguments.)
Let me know in the comments what I should have done different or what I can do next time we are stuck in a situation like the one we experienced.
- Grandma doesn’t always know best when it comes to a child’s diet (independent.co.uk)
- Helicopter Grandparents (bubbyjoysandoys.com)