I got a phone call from my girlfriend sounding pissed. The cops had called her first. After reassuring her that no one was hurt. He told her that our son was in an altercation with another student.
A=my son, J=the other kid, Z=third kid (All kids are in 3rd grade)
From the cops point of view. ~11:15 am
A gave the substitute teacher a letter that said “I want to kill myself” and on the other side it said “I’m going to kill you.” A said J gave him the letter. He took the kids out of the room and separated them so everyone is safe. But he just wanted to let us know what was going on.
GF quickly called me around ~11:18 am
By ~11:23 I was calling the school to talk to my son, A. Now remember I have to not freak him out while trying to find out how he is mentally taking it. After quickly talking to the counselor, who has no idea what is going on, she was able to get my son out of class and on the phone. After reassuring A that he wasn’t in trouble or that he would get into trouble. I was able to get it out of him that he wanted to stay in class for the day and didn’t want me to pick him up. But I did tell him that I was going to pick him up after school. This is when I was going to be able to talk one-on-one with him.
~11:50 am, I called back to just talk with the counselor. I am not an uninformed person. I know she can not legally tell me who this kid is. I know she cannot tell me who the kids parents are. I know she has to cover the school’s ass. But I needed to know who the kid was because I actually know people who know kids, from boyscouts, girlscouts, and my work as a youth coordinator. I need to know so I could find out if this kid really wanted to hurt my kid. She kept giving me nothing. What I did get was the officer’s name. I quickly hung up and called the police department and left a message for him to call me back.
~1:30 pm, Officer Joe called me back.
He was quick to give me answers all but what the kid’s name was. He told me how the kid has problems and isn’t allowed at the Boys and Girls Club anymore. (This only happens when a child gets physical with other kids or the teachers there, but we aren’t suppose to know this.) Officer Joe also let me know that “the kid first has to have a threat assessment before he can come back to school in at least 2-3 days.This kid has a rough home life”, he mentions but never really goes into detail. He lets me know that his area/part of it is covered and that his part is over in it, unless his parents don’t take him to an assigned therapist meeting.”
He was helpful, to a point.
Nothing much happened after I talked with, him except a few interrogating questions from the girlfriend to me. Nothing too harsh, but she just wanted to know more than we both knew. We just had to wait till A was off of school to ask him.
Man, this was going to be a rough talk, considering he will probably remember this day/talk the rest of his life. So tact and understanding was needed in this conversation.
I was so worried about his feelings, I was kind of scared to talk to my own son.
3:25 Judgement time. This is also the time I hit record on my phone.
I didn’t start questioning him or even talk to him about it for a good ten minutes. We just talked and acted normal because we were going to switch cars at mom’s work. She works for a nonprofit that deals with troubled kids or adults at the jail or school. So we started talking when we got into the other car. I had him sit up front and talk to me in the parking lot.
I will give you the shortened version of it and post the audio link on here. Since I don’t know how to add audio on here. Note: it sounds like he is crying in the audio but really he just has a runny nose since he is sick. He doesn’t know that I am recording him.
Conversation, starts around 8:32 mark. Audio of the Talk
A told me:
A, J, Z were all sitting in art class, substitute teacher, when J told A a joke. What does a baby say to a dad? A said “wha wha”, J said no its “wa wa”. A corrected him and then J wrote on a piece of paper to A saying “I want to kill myself”. A looked at it and gave it to Z. While Z was reading it, J snatched it from him and wrote on the back “I’m going to kill you”. Then handed it to A. A read it and was confused and handed it to the Substitute. After that the teachers came and separated the boys and A had to talk to people.
A was confused on a few things.
- Why the kid said that.
- Why so many people want to know what the kid said.
- A doesn’t know why the kid didn’t come back to class.
- I could tell from his body language that A thinks he’s in trouble.
- I don’t think he understands the word kill. My son focuses on the word but doesn’t understand the true meaning of it.
- A really hasn’t been around a bully so he doesn’t know what one really is. He just knows what others tell him what a bully is.
I answered most of his questions trying my hardest not to lead his emotions in any direction. I just wanted my son to not be scared of another person.
We won’t truly know if this affected him, but its been 2 days since this happened at school. He hasn’t brought it up since but neither have we, but we talk about it when he hasn’t been home.
The next update on this will be posted the day after J is allowed back into class with A.